Managing Perfectionism: Embracing the Imperfect Self
Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. Being a perfectionist can help you to strive for excellence and perform at a high standard. But it can also be emotionally and psychologically taxing. Perfectionism is the tendency to set standards so high that they are personally demanding. Perfectionistic tendencies are rooted in fear and insecurity, and are often accompanied by self-critical and degrading thoughts. People who have perfectionistic tendencies judge their self-worth based on their ability to meet high and unrelenting standards. You may experience negative consequences such as anxiety, frustration, and depression, when encountering difficulties meeting these standards. Importantly, a key aspect is continuing to aim for demanding standards, despite experiencing substantial distress.
Learn to Recognise Perfectionism:
Perfectionists may engage in a number of unhelpful thought patterns, including black and white thinking (e.g., “Anything less than perfect means I failed.”), catastrophic thinking (e.g., “If I make a mistake, my boss will never forgive me.”), and all-or-nothing thinking (e.g., "If I don’t get an A, I’m a failure".).
If you experience trouble recognising perfectionism, you can ask yourself:
“Do I often have trouble meeting my own standards?”
“Do I often experience anxiety, frustration or distress when trying to meet my standards?”
“Do my standards get in the way of me completing tasks?”
Strategies for Managing Perfectionism:
There are various strategies you can use to minimise the impact that perfectionism has on your well-being. Like a muscle, the brain can be trained to reframe its thinking. Regularly engaging and practicing these strategies will crowd out the negative self-talk and aid positive habit-forming.
Realistic thinking involves replacing self-critical thoughts with realistic and helpful thoughts. An example in this context could be: “My worth isn’t defined by flawless outcomes but by the effort and intention I put into my work.”
Perspective taking means learning to view situations from other people's perspective. Ideally, this involves embodying a compassionate and realistic perspective. For example, you might ask yourself “What might I tell a close friend who was having similar thoughts?”.
Compromising involves adjusting your standards to create balance between striving for excellence and being practical. Ask yourself, “What level of imperfection am I willing to tolerate?”.
Gradual and consistent exposure to purposely making mistakes and coming across as imperfect is a great strategy to use for embracing the imperfect self. An example of this could be working on a project and intentionally leaving certain aspects as less than perfect.
Remember, the most valuable thing you can do is make a mistake. You can't learn anything from being perfect.